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We are not our past

Updated: Aug 12, 2022

Am I the girl who suffered abuse at the hands of a man I loved?

Am the girl who has been in a boxing match with depression her whole life?

Am I the girl with the spine that didn’t develop correctly, causing debilitating pain for years?

Am I the girl who was bullied in high school, or the girl who “failed” at marriage before the age of thirty?


No, I am not.

Yes, these things happened, but they are not WHO I am.

Remember, finding our power isn’t about “becoming” anything, it’s about chipping away at everything that’s not US.

And our past is NOT us.

Yes, we all endure hardships over our lifetimes, and it’s natural for us to “write” these experiences into the story of who we think we are.

We consider ourselves the “depressed girl,” or the “divorced girl,” the “girl who always fails,” and on and on… We stop seeing these things as things that happened and we begin to integrate them into our “identity.”

But we are not our failures, our heartbreaks or our mistakes.

They may have shaped our experience of the world and caused tremendous pain, but they are not WHO we are.

While we were going through hard times, we often felt like victims, but looking back now, it’s clear that we SURVIVED. Even more than simply surviving, we LEARNED.

And in USING those lessons to grow, we go from victim… to VICTOR.

In using the pain to GROW, we take back our power and move forward stronger and wiser...

...sporting the beautiful scars that remind us that


What are some stories you've subconsciously incorporated into who you “are?"

What tough experiences from your past still linger, tempting you to consider them part of your "identity?"

Becoming aware of the stories is the first step to letting them go.

One way to become aware that we’re identifying with our past traumas is by paying attention to our bodies.

For me, when I’m in my VICTIM mindset, my chest tightens, and I find it hard to fill my lungs completely. My shoulders hunch slightly, and my face turns downward. It's almost as if I'm contracting, or subconsciously trying to shrink.

When I shift into the VICTOR mindset, remembering everything I’ve OVERCOME, it feels as if a cage has broken around my lungs and they expand freely. I feel blood return to my cheeks and my face naturally turns upward. I feel expansive and energized.

Sometimes it’s easier to notice the physical than to notice when our minds are spinning, creating stories and drawing us in as the main character. But by noticing what’s happening in our bodies, we’re able to stop and shift our thinking.

This is a complex, deep rooted area of release. It’s taken a lifetime to integrate all our experiences into our so called “identity,” so seeing through these stories and releasing the hold they have over us is an ongoing project.

But with simple awareness, we can begin the process of freeing ourselves from the false identities, and finding our way back to our TRUE, changeless, powerful identity.

How do we know when we’re operating from our true identity?

When our lungs expand freely and our face naturally turns upward.

When we feel awake and alive and joyful and unstoppable.

When we not only feel empowered to tackle our wildest dreams, but we feel driven to help others find their true joy as well.

THAT, my friend, is when we’re living our truth.

THAT is who we are at our core.

Xx Jen

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